Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The Message

Got inspired by a message from utkarsh :)

check it out

Saturday, March 26, 2005

The idea of a leader

First off, picture this:

Now, here you see there are 9 birds of varying sizes. But we are a pack of 8!

So, I try to label all the birds except the one on the extreme right, it'd go like this: The tallest one in the middle is Ranta popping his inquisitive head to have a beyond-the-horizon look; the one almost hiding and visible only obscurely but quite a link in the chain is Phani; the healthiest one at the back (looking in a eerie direction) is Parivesh; the one about to be the next one to climb with his thoughts carefully composed (notwithstanding cyclones in the inside) is Rocky; behind Rocky is Pushpam, though in the line, will need a shake to move forward for he's in a slumber for there's nothing happening that'd interest him; on the left of Ranta is Madhukar, equidistant from all, permissive, a true cest-la-vie character realizing the difference between things that matter and those that don't; on the right of Ranta is Khare, head drooping in his body like a turtle, perhaps he feels cold, eyes closed but alert as ever; and the one left over can be called me.

So, the eight in the queue are labelled. Who the hell now is the one that leads, almost climbed? Who's this leader of our group? It'd be overly pessimistic and impractical to boast that we don't require a leader: we jolly well do.

Yesterday, we had a heated discussion over a similar issue -- the idea of leadership, the quality of leading and allowing one to lead. We ended up in deadlock, though the lock wasn't strong enough to resist breakage.

But don't we realize that there's no additional person who is the leader? The leader is a combination of us all, in the language of Chemistry, you call it resonance of benzene except that unlike benzene here there are 8 atoms involved. Whenever leadership is required, a collective effort projects and the bird that has almost climed and appears to be the leader is but only a face given to this congregated effort. A leader is one who leads and a follower is one who follows. However, a leader without a followers is same as fish without water -- dead and non-existant. One holds the torch and others gather sight from the light shown by the torch to move ahead; that there is an able leader is important but who is this leader is rather irrelevant. Leadership mushrooms when the need exceeds the efforts so as to give a face and plan and channel to the efforts; the essence and purpose still remains unchanged -- to move ahead, to climb up, as the leader in the pic above, the one-and-all, is.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A Walk to remember

Date : 19/03/2005 (Evening)

I was engrossed in doing some last minute modifications in our final year project. All of a sudden my cell phone rang and I saw it was nirnimesh. He told me to come to IIIT main gate immediately. It wouldn’t be a lie if I say that without a single hesitation and thought, I changed my dress and set out for the IIIT’s main gate. When I reached, I found parivesh, phani and nirnimesh already there. Soon rakesh and pushpam also joined. Now by that time I had already guessed that the gang grew vespertinal in their mood and this evening was also going to be one of those bc embeded evenings which we spent together . I saw utkarsh was missing. So I called him but his cell phone always iterated the same answer,”Kaho na kaho yeh aankhein bolti hain…..The Airtel number you have dialled is not responding”. I tried him again but the same answer. I tried his number few more times and after many unsuccesful attempts, my luck glittered at last . Utkarsh picked up the phone. I gave the cell to parivesh to talk to him. He called him near IIIT’s power plant. We had to wait for him to come. Parivesh, nimmi, rocky and phani sat down near the road there but myself and poppy were not in mood to sit. So we (poppy and myself) wandered here and there, on the rocks , near the bushes. In course of roving around , we discussed hell lots of topics like our future life, our responsiblities towards our families, our dreams etc.
After 15-20 min, utkarsh came and though it was too late to redeem the day, when the shades of night were already beginning to be mingled with the day-light, we seven saunterers in an undying spirit of bc marched on the road by the side of which flourishes companies like microsoft and Infosys. At that moment I remember the very song of kaante..

Collar ko thoda sa upar chadhaake
Cigarette ke dhuein ka chhala banaake

Sochna hai kya, jo hona hai hoga
Chal pade hai fikr yaar dhuein mein udaake

I don’t remember how the very discussion on communism and democracy started but for a while it did capture the air surrounding us. Nirnimesh as usual passed a special comment Communism is the second worst thing in this world because the first one is reserved by democracy. ” It irked parivesh and parivesh asked him the explanation as why democracy was the worst and soon every one was firing his own verbs and adjectives into the discussions.

Then we reached near Microsoft’s office and as soon as we reached there, nirnimesh couldnot stop his anti-ms feelings and vent the venom out of his mugs. This resulted into a fussillade of heated gothic arguments on whether microsoft sux or not and if it does then why is it so. While on one hand Parivesh , Puspendra and Utkarsh were carrying the flag for the support of microsoft, nirnimesh on the other hand was holding his anti-ms front firmly. Then Rakesh and phani also joined nir’s forces and tried to protect him from further shellacking. During the entire course, confused me ( as usual ) took a diplomatic point of view stating both are true ;). Actually there are many points on which I personally don’t like Microsoft but on the other hand there are quite a few points for which I really praise Microsoft. And honestly speaking I love linux but I would never say that Microsoft sux. You can call it the damn principle of co-existence.

In course of discussions we reached near wipro’s office, and to make the atmosphere light, pointing towards the wipro’s building I told parivesh, “yaar !! jaa maine tujhe yeh building gift kar di. ” Listening to it before, parivesh could speak anething utkarsh told ,”Oye building gift dene se pahle iske maalik (pointing towards himself) se to puchh lete ? ”. Parivesh came to my rescue and told ,”oye iski baat mat sun .. hum out of focus logon ki baatein nahin sunte hain..aur haan thanx maddy..jaa maine bhi tujhe microsoft ki building gift ki ”. And we laughed and laughed without much reason..just for the sake of laughing.

We reached till the lake and sat for a while. Phani suggested to go further on the road to embrace the silence and darkness of the night but tired and hungry utkarsh got irritated and told us to return. I saw utkarsh was looking dull and phani too became silent. Rest of us were chilling out in that sweltering environment .

After a while, probably rakesh told that we should reach hostel before the mess close down as all of us were cash striped and mess was the only for us .. the hungry souls. So we returned.

There utkarsh told us that he was sad because yesterday he lost the game in CS to Arpit and co. and now onwards he wont be able to play with his clanMATES as one clan. This was his last game as a clan in IIIT. “Really sad !!!! but this is life”, I thought. I don’t want to touch the topic as I knew it would make feel none better. At that moment I remembered rajesh khanna’s dialogue from the movie anand,
zindagi badi honi chahiye lambi nahin.. Aane wale kuchh mahinon mein jo hazaaron laakhon pal hum saath jine waale hain uski khusi mehsoos karni chahiye ...aur apne aane waali zindagi ko lekar apne aaj mein zahar nahin gholna chahiye.
Waise ..I know that these big-big words from the movies are easier to recall but to follow them in real life is very very difficult. I am saying these because I too am feeling the fever of nostalgia. I knew that after 1-2 months I would not find at least parivesh and utkarsh (both are going out of hyd )to mope around with us till ISB..we as a gang wouldn’t be able to enjoy kaju curry of RB..we wouldn't be able to spend the entire night doing all sorts of bc...but this is life.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Nostalgia: Part 3

The most pristine memory of this guy about which i am goin to write dates back to 2001 ( no need to plunge deeep into the past was just 4 years before ) when I met him for the first time. He was moping around with Guptaji.

He came to me and said ,"Hi, first year ??."

I reciprocated,"yup and you ?."

He shook his head in affirmation as if saying ,"me too."

Then as the process of introduction gathered momentum, I asked his name.

He pronounced,"pankaj." I strut out my heartly smile towards him and told ,"I know my name is pankaj. Tell me your name ."

He iterated ,"ya !! I am telling the same. pankaj is my name too."

" Wow !! what a coincidence !!", i told to myself. "Pankaj is talking to Pankaj" .

But a lot more coincidences were yet to be unveiled like he also belonged to the same place which i belonged. I dont want to go into all these similarities stuff but the sad ( for me ) part of these was I lost the very symbol of my name. Whenever someone refered to "Pankaj", he meant to refer this guy and not me. He robbed my identification ;( . Well ... I will take revenge. Since i am the writer, i will refer pankaj throughout the blog as "Phani", his pet name.

After that introduction on the first day, I used to spend a lot more time with phani to know him more and more. We used to wake up early in the morning ( early bole to 4:00 am !! now a days i go to sleep at 4:00 am ;) ) and after being fresh , we used to go to the lab-1 to do programming practice. We used to return to the mess for breakfast at around 8:00 am and then after having breakfast we used to go to the classes. After attending ALL the classes we used to do all sorts of BC with utkarsh, puspendra and parivesh.

Those were the days of HEALTHY INTRODUCTION with our seniors. I remember once when at around 3:00 am in the morning someone knocked on my door. Soporific me, opened the door and i was surprised to find phani on the door. I stretched my eyelids to get his expression clearly and what i saw was a smothered soul whose moist and pallid eyes were saying everything which he underwent entire last night. By now I guessed that he had too much of healthy interactions with our seniors whole night.

I asked him ,"what happend ?"

He replied, "Mat puchho yaar !! main barbaad ho gaya."

"Ahmm..what did u say ? have they harassed u physically ?", I asked with my mouth wide open.

He told,"nahin yaar !! lekin itni gandi gandi baatein bulwaayee hain ki main kahin ka nahin reha."

After listening to his words, I could not stop my cachinnation.I laughed and laughed hard. I thought how antithetical he was from the rest of the world and at that moment ,from the core of my heart i saluted his innocence.

There are lots of memoirs of him in my mind and i m presenting only a glimpse of it in this blog.

Once we ( phani and myself ) went to watch a movie RAAZ. Before watching this movie with him i never knew that phani was afraid of horror movies. Throughout the movie phani had his hands on his eyes and seeing his actions, one gentleman asked him,"kya bhai !! pahli baar movie dekhane aaye ho ?." After his comments, phani gave him a bloody stare as if saying stfu and at that moment , i pledged not to go to any movie with phani alone, in which even a tiger roars.

He was the first among our gang ( as far as i remember among our batch also he was the first ) to buy the PC. Also his PC troubled him a lot as everyday new problems used to evolve out of that idiot-box.I remember, watchin videos on his system was a very good time pass for us. But we pledged not to watch any movie on to his system. And i remember it was almost 3-4 months after he bought, we saw the first movie "COMPANY" on his system.

There was also a time when he was a die hard fan of Anil Kapoor. He couldnot hear anything against him.

Well, with the time everything has changed, phani also changed but the layer of innocence which was there on him four years back is still pristine today. He is a very sensible friend but at the same time he is also capable of hiting you with one of the worst senti possible. The only thing that irritates me about him is his underestimation of his self. I know what he is capable of doing but he himself doesnt know it or doesnot want to know it. Phani if u r reading it , i wanna say that just have faith in urself and you will see that the whole world will be at your feet.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Dancing nostalgia






PS :: I couldn't find out ranta's, nimmi's and parivesh's dancing snaps....If ane one has it,plz pass on to me(maddy)..

comments are invited

Nostalgia : a photographic overview

Jab nostalgic moments ki baat hi chal rahi hai to, pesh-e-khidmat hai eak chhota sa sabko ateet ki taraf le jaayegi
so here comes the snap of "being ragged" freshmen 8 rockers.









comments are invited

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Nostalgia: Part 2

When you go to a new place the first thing you try to do is to interact with people there.

When i came to IIIT i also tried to do the same.In that course, the first guy i came across was a guy from gorakhpur. As far as i can remember he was wearing red shirt and a six pocket jeans ( About his six pocket jeans, whenever he wore it, it rained ). After getting our intro and adjusting our rooms, we went to mess together and in no time i found out one very interesting and identifying characteristics of this guy. Every single sentence coming out of his vocal cord was having a very amazing pattern for the data mining guyz. It used to have more bad words than meaningful sense carriers. I thought and wondered," how can a guy vituperate so much." Leaving his bad mouth I think this guy was really a gem. The best thing about this guy, i felt was his honesty and purity at hearts. Also sometimes he became so childish and innocent that talking to him would remind you of your childhood. Only problem was his expressions which was too much invictive . I remember because of it only once he had a confrontation with Ramneek when he said something to ramneek. Though he said it lightly but ramneek took it in a wrong way. So once when he was alone, I also pointed out to him,"Dont you think you use more invective language than required ? isn't it bad ?." But after saying it to him, I dont know why but I myself felt very bad. I said to myself,"who are you to preach him what to do and what not ?.It's his life and he has all rights to do whatever he wants or whatever he says." I dont remember what were his responses on that but believe me that whole night a struggle was going in my mind as whether i did the right thing or wrong. While one part of my brain was telling that I did the right thing as i feel myself as his friend and it is a friends duty only to suggest whether whatever he is doing is right or wrong. But suddenly another thought had striked in my mind as it suggested that even the best of friends doesnt have the rights to cross the limits and havent i crossed the limits by haranguing him.

Crap thinking na..well i usually think such craps and am entangled in these struggles of minds. Thats what i am like and i cant help it too.

Anyways after someday he explained me the reason for his speaking of so many abuses. He explained that there are always some gaps between your thoughts and your expressions of those thoughts. And every individual has its own way to fill those gaps. Some (like sunil ) stays silent to cover up those gaps while ( like rakesh ) some gives a heartly smile to fill them . So his ways were to adore these abuses as a fillers for those gaps.

Those days we used to have our HEALTHY INTERACTIONS with our seniors and he was one of the most favourites BAKRA of our seniors. I heard that he wrote a STORY ( was that really a story ?? ) about none other than Preity Zinta and all the seniors were gaga over his STORY. Here I cannot stop myself from writing the fact that he writes damn good...Well sometimes i think that had he not been a software engineer he would be definitely an author.

Also those days he was made to propose probably three to four girls of our batch in DCH style. Specifically for this purpose, he was shown this movie by our seniors and he was told to get the dialogues by heart.

And yeah !! I also made him dance on the song "Jeena Yahan Marna Wahan" from the movie "Mera Naam Joker"...One of our senior ( Gautam Sood ) once asked me to sing a song and asked utkarsh to dance on that..and to his worst luck the song that striked my mind was "Jeena yahan marna wahan "..poor guy..I cannot tell you how frustrated he was as it was not a song with dance numbers..and when i started the senior told me to continue and asked utkarsh to dance on this song only..he was just moving one step forward and one backward with both hands on his chest. I really enjoyed that moment watchin him dance on my tunes ;). Those were the days .. really full of fun.

Oops !! I couldnt remember fully ..but there was some MUKTA's episode also which ultimately led tears roll down his cheek.

Well !! I remember..whole second sememster i rarely saw him in the mess..It was also not so that he used to go to restaurants or hotels to conquer his hunger rather his lunch and dinner used to be just one packet of "LAYS" chips on an average. I wondered how could he survive. It is he only who introduced me with parivesh and sunil about which i will post in the coming blogs.

The guy about which i am writing is none other than our kishan kanhaiya "Mr Utkarsh Khare" and utkarsh believe me when i say kishan kanhaiya..its not an insult..neither it is a compliment..rather it is a proof of the fact that MOST of the girls dont have a brain ;) ..otherwise how could they get impressed by you.

Well during past four years, lots of things have happend to us..we saw lots of changes..utkarsh also lost his identity ;) as he stopped using abusive words...he became more mature...we came closer to each other...we started understanding each other in a better way.. and this memoryless system ie myself has also accumulated so much memories about each one of those events influencing every single parts of our life that I can write an entire book on that.

There are a lot more things about him which i wanted to point but you all know that I am a very very BUSY person ;) , I will write about them in some other blogs.

In the end i can safely say about him that if you don't feel good in his presence it can only be because you are jealous of him . He is undoubtedly one of the best person you can ever meet.

I also wanted to quote rakesh's testimonial about him on orkut, each and every single word of which is dipped with the ink of truth.

Thoda sidha, thoda sachcha ...
harkaton se bilkul bachcha ...
Dil ka nek.. iman ka pakka ...
Hamara "Khare" sabse achcha ...

Hip Hip Khare

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Nostalgia: Part 1

In my life, i have experienced many coincidences and my meeting with puspendra was also one of those.

That was the day when Roorkee's Mains was over. My examination center was in varanasi.Just after taking the exam, i set out towards station.At station, I asked a guy whether the ??? (I dont remember the name) train has left. He asked me, "Where am i destined to ?" I replied,"Patna". He told, "wow !! we (he was with couple of guys who also were stranger to him but on that station, became his "hamsafar" ) are also going to the same and btw train is on the station and it will leave in a couple of minutes. So we have to run." I told," Gimme one second, I will get a ticket for myself ." I was to rush towards the ticket counter to get one, but that guy told me that if i wanted to go for tickets it would be too late as the queue is longer, i saw the queue, it was not that long. Before I could make any decision, i found myself being literally dragged by that guy with him, towards the train. I dont know why but i couldnot oppose him. Probably i wanted to go home as early as possible so i didnt want to miss the earliest train, so i didnt oppose him. That was the first time in my life when I was travelling without ticket or WT. But I had a fear that what would happen if TTE comes to check our tickets. My heart beat was really pumping with the speed of a bullet train. But that chap, was as relaxed as if this entire train is his property. I asked him," dont you fear from TTE ? ." He replied," There is so much in life to fear from so why to get afraid from a TTE who is a gentle human being ?". After that i was also getting relaxed, and since that compartment of train had many clusters of examinees and that too mostly from places near to patna or patna itself, so everyone was doing fun. In the course of time, that chap started telling some non veg jokes. I was not used to such jokes but those jokes were funnier enough to make me and other co-passengers laugh. A station came and to my worst luck and greatest fear, I found a couple TTE's coming inside our compartment,I couldnot understand what to do ? I was shivering with the fear but that guy, still relaxed, told me,"Why are you afraid ? Nothing will happen. Just follow me." He boarded off from the train from the other gate and told me to roam about the station as if you are waiting for some train to arrive. I tried to do the same way but my eyes were fixed on the gates thinking what would happen if TTE wont come out of the gates. But to my luck, TTE came out of the other gate and went to the adjacent compartment. Seeing TTE coming out of the compartment we again came inside the train. After that, the entire journey till patna was great as no TTE came to interrupt our fun fare and also everyone was in a mood to do his share of fullest masti.It was around 2'o clock when we reached patna. By then we had already formed a group of 6-7 fun loving persons. When we were coming out of the platform, we were trailing behind some guardians who came with their wards till the examination center. We heard some noises from the downstairs and as we came closer we saw TTE was in grip of those guys behind whose parents we were coming. I was shocked and I told that guy ,"Ab to gaye kaam se. TTE ke haathon hum saheed ho gaye ab". That guy told, "dont worry". Before we could sense more and he could do anything, those guardians were shouting on the TTE's for their misbehavious/misconduct with their wards(TTE thought those were the guys who traveled WT and they were lying when they told that the tickets were with their parents who were coming behind. In the course of all this, TTE also used some abuses.). TTE was so much shocked after the verbal onslaught of those parents that he didnt even ask us of our tickets. Huh !! we in our hearts said thank to those parents and now we were out of the station. Now it was late night. Some of us had to catch bus which would leave in the morning and some had no means to go their place at that time. So everyone of us agreed to do bc(BC..I came to know of this word only in IIIT ) till the morning outside the station itself. Everyone of us shared our telephone numbers and addresses. This was my first meeting with that chap whom we now call popy or pushpam or puspendra.
Then I again came to find him on my examination center of IIIT's exam.After that day we didnt meet. And when the IIIT's results were published, he called me. And to our surprise our ranks were also closer to each other.(His was 278 and mine was 285).

Well !! The first impression which I got on the train itself, of him was that he was a very tough and also rough guy. But later on after being with him for the past 4 years, i can say it for certainty that i was wrong. He is definitely one of the most sensitive and the purest soul i know of. He rather doesnt show his feelings to other and always tries to show how rough and tough he is. But he always try to cheer up others. And that's the reason why he can make friends very easily. This is the reason i tell it to everyone that you can find many "pankaj" everywhere but it is always rarest to find even a single "puspendra" out of the oceans of humans residing in this world.

One thing i feel really bad about him is his habit of hiding his pains. He can share his happiness with you but he always tries his best to hide his griefs with even his friends.


Only two months are left for our stay at IIIT . Sometimes i wonder how fast time has galloped from the first year to the fourth year. Four golden years of our life has passed away as if sand has slipped from our clutches but still i have fresh memories of all the events and incidents that introduces all of us to each other and establishes a bond which at least i feel is much much more stronger than what this world calls as a bond of familiarity. So i decided to pour out my nostalgia on this blog about each one of us, how we met each other, or what were the moments of fun as well as frustration we shared with (and against also) each other. From the next blog onwards i will write about all one by one.

Pankaj Kr Madhukar